 Of Pain and Dismemberment
This is it whores and pikyes, our beloved hero and my own personal idol, the gun wielding bullet dodging insane schizophrenic bastard is back, uglier than ever, bent on sharing his hate with every unlucky fuck that happens to stand in his twisted way. This samurai's Kung Fu is stronger than ever, and even though samurais don't give a flying fuck about Kung Fu, they don't shoot bullets out of their asses either, so everything goes here gents, the crowd goes wild while time freezes, allowing Hell's eyes to be drawn towards this sick individual who keeps sending people burning down only to be able to achieve his dark revenge, unlucky chains of events that lead to everyone dying around him, and this is where the beauty is, in death, so we can even call our Rambo here a fucking artist. He likes to paint the floors in red, he wields dual Ingrams for aesthetic purposes only and now wears a shirt and tie, Hawaiian shirt Tuesday is fucking over, this shit has gotten more serious than ever.
Like I said earlier everybody fucking dies here, I don't want to spoil your fun, but through insane circumstances and turnovers all the characters in this game die, several times even, 'cause we all know that death is so much better the second time, when you can make sure that no necrophile sneaks in at your funeral to mark your grave for further investigation in the subsequent week.
"Hey Freddy, grab the shovels, we have new meat!" "Oh, Jim, I hate it when you call them 'meat', I just can't stand you eating their toes every time"
Dick Justice and Cock Law
This hero wouldn't be the perfect ideal for disturbed teenagers that play videogames all day unless he'd be hittin' some pussy, so Remedy brought in Mona Sax, the sweet ass twin sister of that other bitch that got killed in the first game. She's the craziest slut I've ever seen in a video game, she drinks Molotov cocktails and shits grenades, looks something like Lara Croft meets The Predator meets Queen Elizabeth and can beat the shit out of every single fuck that is stupid enough to ask her where does she stick that huge Duganov gun when she's not aiming it at people's heads.  So Max Payne meets Mona Sax, a noir love story starts to flow along with the killing and the madness, to enact what should have been just a game but turned out to be better than a movie. I've had guys that sat next to me through the whole game and watched me so they could gasp at the story, the dialogues, the graphics and most of all the action, bullets flying, blood spilling, hatred distributed equally.
The Flesh of Fallen Angels
I'm pretty sure that you remember the original Max Payne game, driven by a simple story that was told beautifully, with drama and madness, hatred and pain, deceits and corruption. Same thing here, I'm not going to tell you much, just that old bonds are made stronger so that Max Payne can start caring again about people and trusting them again, only to be deceived and watch them all die, no exception, the violent pace and course of the plot forcing our hero to hang on to his life, drive out the demons out of his heart and keep track of reality when life becomes a fucking whore that fucks his brains out of his injured head. 
Genius is no God-damned stranger to the crazy fucks that made this game, you can see pieces of brain sparks splattered all throughout the game, starting with the lines characters deliver, going through TV shows and theme parks, all the way to opening up the head of a delusional schizophrenic paranoid mad individual and putting it on screen, with shrieks of insanity and whispers coming from deep inside a battered heart. Shit like "In this hall of mirrors, built by liars, I am a pale reflection of myself" pops out randomly, with no connection to the action whatsoever, inserted there so the player can tremble with admiration for the greater minds that set this shit in movement. Fucking brilliant, I tell you, Max Payne - the book (if there would be one) is something that I'd have tattooed all over my ugly body to bless it with profound insight of a cripple brain.
Dearest of all my friends
The Fall of Max Payne is a game thou shall not miss, it's perfect all the way. Technically speaking, it's a small masterpiece that teaches a payneful lesson to all the games that have come out or will be coming out this year. Graphically, it offers a slideshow of Van Gogh's and Picasso's, running more than decent on last year's medium PCs while delivering next generation graphics. Flawless textures tickle the ocular organ while perfect character models turn out to look and act like real breathing, eating, shitting and fucking people (thanks to Havoc), the levels are designed to provide challenging battlefields every time. The most important technical thing in this game is the physics engine, masterfully done and they know it, so the developers show it off any chance they get. |
